Ball of Fire
by Jules1993
Summary: After Elizabeth has been taken, Neal is determined to bring her back- even if it means offering himself to Keller in exchange.  This story takes place after Countdown
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first ever White Collar story, so don't blame me if it sucks a little :) This is my take on what happens after the amazing Countdown episode. **

"He took my wife." The words cut through the Burke house, disrupting the investigation scene. Peter's lost eyes met Neal's hopeless ones as they continued to stare at each other. Finally it was Neal who mustered the first words.

"We'll find her Peter. We'll bring her back." Neal moved toward Peter, as an attempt to reassure him yet his friend stepped back. His cold glare told Neal enough.

"You did this. Keller never would have gone after Elizabeth if the Nazi Plunder hadn't surfaced. This one is on you." Peter's voice shook uncontrollably. The room continued to spin, yet the boiling rage inside him gave him a calmness he did not know he possessed. He watched Neal's posture crumble, his charming, confident eyes turned watery as he looked away.

"Peter, you can't mean that." The words came out as a hoarse whisper. Neal had been reduced to a weak man. No longer did his silver tongue spin this in the other direction. The accusation was pinning him to the ground. There was no escape.

"I did not know that Keller would do this. He-"

"I don't care if you underestimated Keller. You led him to this doorstep. All the lies… All the deceptions have cost me my wife. Don't you understand that you are playing with ball of fire. God damn it Neal!" Peter's shrill words rang out, startling the White Collar division. He looked around, dazedly at his home. A sudden gut-wrenched hatred for the con artist gripped the agent, and he glared at Neal again, his eyes betraying nothing.

"I feel sick when I look at you." As harsh as this confession was, Peter did not feel sorry. Neal had taken a step back, and looked around the room pathetically. Jones and Dianna were staring at him too, as if they were embarrassed to be in the same room as him. Neal turned his back on everyone. Mozzie had deserted him. Elizabeth had been taken because of him. Peter's trust in him was shattered. His entire White Collar division viewed him as a dishonest liar now. There was nothing for Neal here. He knew he needed to fix things- with the only way he knew how.

"I'll bring Elizabeth back to you. " His final words to Peter rang out in the Burke household, and without so much as a glance backward he walked out the door. He heard Peter yell out something yet Neal switched off. His concentration was entirely focused on Elizabeth.

* * *

><p>"Time's ticking Neal. What's it going to be? The treasure, or our lovely Elizabeth Burke here?"<p>

"How about you let Elizabeth go. You can have me all to yourself."

Keller's laugh chilled him to the bones.

"Why would I want a lying bastard when I have a lovely woman here, who happens to be an agent's wife. Tell me where the treasure is or I'll blow her brains out!" Keller's steel-like voice quickened Neal's pulse. He shuddered, envisioning Elizabeth at the hands of Keller's insanity.

"You want to beat the infamous Neal Caffrey, once and for all. This is your only shot Keller. You can do whatever you want with me. Isn't that what you've always wanted?"

Silence stretched on at the other end. Neal held his breath.

"Fair enough mate. I'll make the exchange. New York Frankfort Harbor, a dark blue Arabella Yacht awaits. You have an hour. Don't disappoint me."

"Wait, Elizabeth must be released before you take me."

"No negotiations Caffrey. And if there is so much as a cop within ten metres from you, I will make sure I kill her in front of you." As if to prove his point, a deathly scream was heard in the background. Elizabeth.

"If you so much as touch her I will kill you" Neal snarled.

Keller laughed again.

"We'll see about that. Adios mate."

The line went dead.

Neal was calm now. His eyes scanned June's apartment one last time. Keller wanted his head on a platter. He could confidently say, that he was almost sure he wouldn't get out of this ordeal alive. Keller was famous for his torture techniques. He liked watching the light of his victims' eyes die out. Neal wasn't sure he could hold off the treasure's location forever. Sooner or later, Keller was going to break him. Yet Neal couldn't betray Mozzie. Not after he deserted him and the Nazi Plunder. Even though Mozzie would be long gone by then, Keller had a way of tracking down his prey. He was a cold-blooded murdered.

Caffrey smiled to himself tragically, grabbed a pair of scissors and then cut through the thick plastic of his tracking anklet. He sent out a silent prayer that Peter would find him-alive. The beep sounded, indicating that Peter had been notified. Time started ticking again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for all the reviews! I will definitely try and incorporate some of your ideas into my story. I'm also open to criticisms, as it will make me develop as a writer and further improve my story. Without further babbling, I give you chapter 2!**

"Boss check this out. Neal cut his anklet. He's a fugitive." Diana spoke these words disbelievingly. She never thought Neal was a coward. That he would run after Elizabeth's abduction… she guessed everyone at the White Collar division had underestimated him. Neal Caffrey lied for a living. His loyalty to the division, to his friends… proved worthless.

Peter gazed up, stunned.

"He ran?" The words hung in the air, hollowly. It was as if the blurriness left Peter's eyes. He gazed around, as if he were standing in his own living room for the first time. Neal, the man who he had believed to be his friend, was nothing more than a two-faced coward. It was down to him, to find the con artist again. Peter was going to nail Neal Caffrey to the ground.

"Ok I want all teams closing in on him. Pinpoint where he was last seen, and then from there, send units out to the airport, train station, and harbor. Jones, your team will seal off the subways and bus stops. Knowing Neal, he's probably on his way to a chopper this instant. That is why I want Diana's team to keep an eye on the rooftops. Caffrey will probably opt to take off from there, as it avoids the public and the security check-up systems. Check his cell phone, try and trace him if his phone is switched on." Peter barked out the orders then started pacing backwards and forwards. Agents were rushing about, grabbing papers, dialing phone numbers, getting ready for Neal's downfall.

"What about Elizabeth?" Diana asked. A little surprised by her question, he turned to face the strong-headed woman.

"I am going to find her myself."

* * *

><p>Neal reached the harbor at ten o clock sharp. The strong scent of the Pacific Ocean served as a sedative for him. He was strangely calm for a man who was sacrificing his life. Neal spotted the Arabella floating in the distance. It's threatening presence charged his body with adrenaline, and with a loud, pumping heart, Neal took another step forward. It was strange how he was offering himself to the lion's den, whilst his body was so utterly composed and cool, ready to deal with business. Haunted by Elizabeth's chilling scream, Neal pushed himself forward.<p>

Suddenly the lights flashed on and a figure appeared in his line of vision. Keller. He could make out the man's sturdy features from afar. Neal found courage to continue walking, until he was face to face with the devil himself.

"Ah welcome on board of the Arabella. She's a beauty isn't she" Keller was grinning, as he spoke his words in a southern English accent.

"Where is she?" Neal growled.

"Come here" Keller ordered.

"Not until Elizabeth comes out."

"I said come here you fuck!" Keller pulled out a 38 revolver and pointed it at Neal. "I want to check if you're wired and armed." He added.

Reluctantly, Neal stepped forward and allowed Keller to search him. Giving a satisfying grunt and without any kind of pre-warning, Keller slammed the butt of his gun across Neal's forehead.

He slumped to the ground, fighting unconsciousness. A trickle of liquid was pouring down his forehead, and Neal fought dizziness. _Must get to Elizabeth. Must get to Elizabeth. Must get to-_

Keller grabbed him by the arm, cutting through his thoughts as he started dragging him to the boat. Neal fought his grip, yet his nails were digging into his arms, tearing at his skin. The gun was pressed aggressively toward his neck. He had no choice. Solemnly, he allowed Keller to take power.

"Can't you give me some kind of a warning every time you bash my head in with that thing?" Neal said sarcastically.

"Ah I see there's still some life in you. We'll ignite that soon enough." Keller grinned viciously.

As they reached the stairs, Neal was thrust down and his head unavoidably slammed to the ground. Fighting the abyss, Neal looked around dizzily in search for her.

"Neal!" A cry pierced through his queasiness. The voice was shaky, yet he knew.

"Elizabeth" the words came out in a helpless whisper as he fought oblivion. He felt strong hands grab his hair as his head was yanked back. A gun jammed to his face, and Neal hissed.

"Let her go now" He groaned, gritting his teeth.

"I will, I will. In good time my fellow. But first, things first." Without a moment to waste the gun slammed into Neal one last time, and the darkness took him.

* * *

><p>When Neal came to, the first thing he noticed was the wet stickiness that clung to his skin. The metallic smell could mean only one thing. <em>Blood. <em>Squinting his eyes, Neal fought the pounding headache and the spinning room in front of him. He heard his name being called out once, twice. Biting his lip, Neal fought the urge to spill out the contents of his lunch. _Focus Neal. Try and orient yourself. _This time, he managed to open his eyes completely. _Elizabeth. _Across from him, Elizabeth was tied to a chair. The ropes restrained her, making her a prisoner to Keller's desires.

"Thank God Neal, I was worried sick." She was eying the young man in front of her alarmingly.

"What can I say, a painkiller or two would be nice" Neal half grinned. He tried moving his arms and then with a sinking realization discovered that his hands were tied behind his back. The rope was attached to a wooden pole that extended to the ceiling of the boat. Moving his legs, he noticed his ankles were also bound together tightly with rope. _Just great._ His attention returned to Elizabeth.

"Did he hurt you?"

"No. He drugged me before I came, but I'm ok now." Elizabeth couldn't tear her eyes off Neal. He was in bad shape. His forehead and right cheek were covered in blood. The gashing wound continued to flow freely, draining him. It was enough to break her composure, and before she knew it a sob escaped her lips.

"Peter he's coming for us right?" Elizabeth's question hung in the air tragically.

At the mention of Peter, Neal paled. His eyes dropped to the floor.

"He's looking for you. But I don't deserve to be found. Not after what I've done." He spoke these words quietly. No, Peter was done with him. It had taken a lot of nerve and a lot of courage for him to trust Neal. It had taken months for Peter to stop watching his every move. He had helped Neal in times when he had truly been lost. And this is how he had repayed his loyal friend. He had lied through his teeth and had stolen the Nazi plunder right under Peter's nose. Neal had messed with Peter's career and his personal life. Who was he kidding? He deserved this.

"Don't speak like that Neal. I hate to-"

"I've made a deal with Keller. I give myself to him, in exchange for your freedom. He'll let you go. One thing about Keller is that once you negotiate with him, he sticks to his word. Soon you'll be able to return to Peter. I promise." For the first time in his life, he was ashamed of himself.

"Neal! What a stupid thing to do. To sacrifice yourself for me. This is crazy, Peter is going to find us and-"

"No Elizabeth. " Neal cut through her words. "I'm doing this as a way to try and make amends. Try and fix where I've seriously messed up. This is the only way how." Elizabeth was shocked at Neal's determination. He was staring at her, ready to accept whatever was to become of him. She allowed herself to sob as she shook her head.

"This is not the way to do it. Please Neal. You're not talking rationally.-"But once again Elizabeth was interrupted, this time by Keller's entrance.

"Ah I see you two are having a nice little chat. Sorry to interrupt but it's time for me to hold up my end of the bargain." Grinning, Keller walked over to Elizabeth and untied her. She struggled as he gripped her by the shoulders and pushed her upward.

"Say goodbye to your friend. It's the last time you're going to see him." Keller was smiling again, finding the situation sadistically amusing. Elizabeth focused on the young man in front of her. She knew her last words were essential.

"Hold on Neal. We will find you and make sure this shitbag rots in prison for the rest of his life."

Neal raised his eyebrows, surprised she had it in her to swear. He smiled hopelessly.

"We'll see" He muttered.

"I was practically on the same street as your husband, yet he still couldn't catch me. It'll be nice enough to see him try." Keller spat out. Without another moment to waste, Keller began to drag Elizabeth out impatiently.

"Goodbye Elizabeth" Neal said under his breath. It was then that his body began to tremble, preparing him for what was to come.


	3. Chapter 3

**The story is going to get quite dark for a few chapters :( Don't say I didn't warn you! **

The phone rang, dragging Peter Burke out of his deep thoughts. He checked his watch hastily: 12AM.

"Hello?" His voice was weary and low. The usually upfront, quick-witted agent had been reduced to a helpless man.

"Peter?" A raspy voice asked.

He cradled the phone close to his ear to ensure he was hearing correctly.

"Elizabeth!" He cried out as a surge of happiness filled his gut. He found himself springing upward from his chair, restless with anxiety.

"Keller let me go." Elizabeth said tonelessly.

"Did he hurt you? Where are you?" The words burst out of Peter's mouth as a smile began formulating on his lips. She was safe. His wife was not at the mercy of Keller's hands. _Not anymore. _

"No he didn't. I'm fine Peter. I'm at a payphone at New York Harbor. But Peter-"

"Thank God El. I was worried sick. I thought that bastard had-"He prevented himself from going further. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "I was terrified El. I thought I was going to lose you. The mere thought of it…. it almost destroyed me." Peter was tearing up and he quickly brushed the tears away with the back of his hand. His eyes scanned the room to ensure no one had spotted their boss crying. Suddenly, a nagging sensation tugged at Peter._ Didn't she say she was at New York Harbor? _ He dismissed his sinking feeling and continued speaking.

"Agents from our unit are posted at the harbor. They're supposed to watch out for Caffrey-"

"Peter." Elizabeth's voice wavered, as her demeanor slipped. She couldn't control the well of emotions that were trembling inside her, ready to explode within a matter of seconds. She found her voice again, and pushed herself to speak further-for Neal's sake. "Neal offered himself to Keller, In exchange for my freedom. He's been taken. Oh God I… give me a second honey." Elizabeth stopped speaking, as the tears started streaming down her face. She looked around, emptily at the crowd. A child cried out in the distance, as a mother scolded her kid. Two couples passed together, their hands entwined in each others. In the distance sirens could be heard. A breeze fluttered past her, tugging at her shirt. A stranger laughed from afar. She closed her eyes. Once again, Elizabeth pressed the phone to her ear. A deathly silence followed on at the other end.

"He's on a boat. I heard Keller speaking; he said the boat's name was Arabella. I never got to see how it looked from the outside… but Neal's there. "Elizabeth was calm again. She believed in her husband. She trusted him with her life. She trusted he would find Neal.

On the other end, Peter was deathly white. He looked around the room wildly. All of his colleagues' eyes were on him, watching his every move. An agent mouthed, _Are you ok?_

He ran his hands through his hair, and nodded. _Neal what have you done? _

"We're on it. Jones is on his way now." Peter sat back down, gut-wrenched at the sound of Elizabeth's heavy breathing. He knew his wife. She was trying to keep calm in a situation that provoked emotional breakdown.

"We'll find him Elizabeth. I promise." He added. Peter was going to find him. He owed the consultant his life. His wife meant everything to him. She was his whole world. The fact that Neal had sacrificed himself, for Elizabeth's safety… Peter suppressed the urge to smile. Neal was known for doing the most spontaneous yet fiercely loyal things. He knew what this was. The consultant was trying to make amends- he was trying to tell Peter- _I am loyal. I do care._ Of course he couldn't ignore the fact that Neal had the treasure. He had committed a crime, and it really was his responsibility and his job to put the young man behind bars. Yet as a friend, Peter was somewhat reluctant. How could he possible arrest Neal and tell him, "_Thanks for saving my wife- oh by the way you're most likely going to get a life sentence for stealing the Nazi Plunder." _

No. Peter couldn't think about what he was going to do, what he was going to say-he had to ensure Neal was in one piece. Knowing Keller… Peter shuddered. Keller was going to torture Neal into revealing the location of the treasure. It was his job to make sure Neal survives this.

"I'm coming to pick you up El. Stay put. I love you" He said softly.

"I love you too. See you soon. Oh and Peter?"

"Yes?"

"I trust you."

* * *

><p>Keller stood before Neal, grinning wildly.<p>

"I'm going to play us a song. I know it so happens to be one of your favorites."

Neal knew it was going to begin. He eyed Keller with clear hatred. Instinctively, He tried rotating his raw wrists in a manner which would loosen the friction between rope and skin, yet it was hopeless. He swore under his breath, in frustration.

Keller wore white gloves and a wife beater. He was ready to inflict pain on his victim. Neal watched him listlessly as he plugged his ipod into the speakers and pressed play. The calming song began, Chopin's Nocturne.

The melancholy melody flooded the cabin as Keller picked up a tool that resembled a pincer. The piano notes echoed in the distance as he shifted closer to his prey.

Neal had heard about this man, Jake, an art forger who had attempted to steal a Peter Paul Rubens masterpiece from Keller. A week later, Jake was found dead. His face had been so deformed that apparently the FBI had to run a DNA test to ensure it was him.

"Where is the treasure?" Keller asked quietly.

"Go fuck yourself"

Keller grinned at his response and slowly walked up behind Neal. He reached out for one of his hands. Neal struggled, yet it was useless.

"Do you know what I'm going to do?" Keller asked, with an amused tone.

"You're going to use that device in some horrific way? Let me guess-"

But before he could finish his witty sentence, Keller clamped the device on his fingernail, and tore it off.

Neal let out a blood-curdling scream, tears of pain streamed down his eyes. His hand felt as if it were on fire. He gasped for breath as wave of nausea consumed him. He closed his eyes and groaned loudly.

Keller walked over in front of him.

"The song's about to finish. Shall we play it again?"

_Hang in there Neal, _a small voice echoed in his mind as Keller pressed play again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Warning: It's a dark chapter **

"Five missing fingernails. A broken wrist. Three broken fingers. I'm not going to ask you again Caffrey. Where is the treasure?"

Neal could barely raise his head to follow the all-too familiar voice. His eyes were closed, sheltered from the cruelty inflicted upon him. Yes, in the dark he could pretend and hope. In the dark he was safe. The voice grew impatient. A tool wrapped around his finger. A split second later a crack was heard. The pain followed then, shooting up his arm, consuming him with torment. He further squeezed his eyes shut, as if to wipe out the reality of his situation.

Neal knew what Keller was up to. He wanted to crush his talent in art forgery. He relished in stealing his name and rendering himself as the new con artist. Neal's true weapon lay in his hands. With them, he was everything. Keller knew this. To break the skilled art forger, he was targeting Neal's hands. _Without them, you're just an ordinary man, _a small voice dreadfully echoed in his mind. No. He couldn't let Keller win. He remained silent.

Clapping was heard in the distance.

"I see you like playing games Neal. How about we play some hot poker?"

Neal detected amusment. Keller was enjoying himself. Gradually he opened his eyes, locking contact with the monster of a man.

"I never took you for a man of violence. Sure, I heard stories circulating here and there. About this jake bloke...and the notorious Ana Frost case. But I thought them to be speculations. In all the years I've known you, you never lifted a finger on any of your victims. You prefered to hide under your guns. I guess prison changed you. You take satisfaction in people's suffering. You, Keller, are a sadist. If you think i'm going to give you the location of the treasure..." Neal paused, laughing weakly. "You are sorely mistaken."

"SHUT UP" Keller screamed. He was surprised at Keller's sudden rage. Clearly he did not take a liking to the word sadist. A split second later a fist smashed against his face, disorienting him instantly.

Neal managed another laugh, despite his pounding headache. He could taste the blood on his chaffed lips. He felt cocky all of a sudden, willing to push Keller to his limits.

"I guess Keller doesn't like being called a sadist. How about a sadistic pervert? Does that work for you? Wasn't your last girlfriend sixteen years old? You were old enough to be her father. Hey now that i think about it-"

Another fist smashed into Neal, this time it was directed at his gut. He gasped, wheezing for breath. The dizziness consumed him. Neal could barely proccess Keller's presence. Vaguely he heard the man snarl out a remark.

"I'll give you a piece of my mind. But first, let's shut you up a little bit..."

Neal watched solemnly as Keller produced a long strip of duct tape. He knelt in front of the consultant and aggressively pressed the tape against his lips.

"I'd like to hear you scream as loudly as you can now." Keller grinned as he dissapeared from Neal's line of vision. Darkness was caving in as his concussed head pounded away. He wanted to pass out before Keller returned and revealed further surprises in store for him.

Suddenly, as if in sync with his thoughts, a hot burning sensation engulfed Neal, and he let out a muffled scream. He looked down blurrily, at a hot poker stick, gleaming in front of him.

"That wasn't loud enough. Again!" Keller cried out as he jabbed him again, and again. Neal began counting in his head as an attempt to subdue the pain. _One, two, three, four- _"ARGHHHH" He screamed out as tears spilled down his cheeks. The pain was unbearable. It was as if his whole body were on fire, a million searing pricks continuously stabbing him. . Frantically he tore at his bloody wrists, yet they remained firmly tied. Another jab-this time to the stomach. Sweat, mingled with blood caked his forehead.

And as suddenly as he had started, Keller stopped.

"I don't want to kill you just yet" He muttered under his breath as he walked away. Time seemed to slow, and Neal closed his eyes, begging for oblivion to take him. A desire to vomit became urgent, and he bit back his tongue as a feeble attempt to lessen the urge. If he puked now, he would drown in his own contents.

Keller came back with a syringe.

"You need to get some rest while I go and talk to that Burke friend of yours. Don't want to get distracted by your presence." Keller knelt down, rotating the needle in front of Neal purposfully. His eyes locked with Neal's. His piercing blue eyes were fierce-indeed there was still fire in them. _Eyes with hatred, mingled with fear_, Keller decided. He smiled suddenly as the young man frowned in confusion.

"Sleep tight" He said lastly as he pricked the consultant with the needle in the neck. Keller watched as Neal's eyes became droopy and then eventually, they closed. Satisfied, he rose and started dialing Agent Peter Burke's phone.


	5. Chapter 5

The phone rang shrilly, dragging Peter away from his wife. Hastily, he checked his watch: 6:AM. Neal had been gone for a full eight hours.

"Hello?" Peter said gruffily.

"Ah the notorious Agent Burke. We meet again-well more indirectly at least."

"Keller" Peter growled as his grip tightened on the phone. Elizabeth's attention immediately focused on him, as she shot up from the bed and walked over to where Peter stood statically. Only his eyes flickered in a mixture of anger and worry. As an act of comfort, her hand rested over her husband's shoulder in an effort to subdue his frustration. Peter turned around, catching her apprehensive gaze. No words of reassurance escaped his lips. He was not a man of false promises. He could not lull Elizabeth into believing Neal was unharmed, or that he wasn't on death's doorstep.

"Say hi to Elizabeth for me."

He ignored Keller's provocation and pushed on, relentless for further information on Neal's well being. "Where is he? What have you done with him?Put him on the phone."

"Your pet's resting. Besides, this isn't about him anymore."

"You want to know the location of the treasure." Peter said, matter -of- factly.

"And a guarantee that I won't get caught either. But yes, you're quite right about that. You see, Neal hasn't been useful at all. He's a stubborn one." Keller laughed at the other end, chilling Peter to the bones. He further gripped his phone as a feeble attempt to control his panic. _Stay professional Peter, _he told himself cooly. As if in sync with his thoughts, El gave him an encouraging nod.

"Caffrey is a mere tool for you, as a means of acquiring the treasure. However you're dealing with one small issue. There is no evidence linking the treasure to Neal."

"I saw it." Keller spat out.

"Was Neal's name written on it?" Peter asked sarcastically.

"Don't play smart with me. I realize Neal isn't telling me something. There was no time for him to smuggle the Nazi plunder by himself. He must have worked in cooperation with someone. And I believe that someone is Mozzie. Get me Mozzie, and I let Neal go."

"What, another exchange?" I don't think so."

"Not in the literal sense. I know Mozzie will direct you to the treasure. After all, Neal is the closest thing he has to a family. After he surrenders the location, I want it loaded on a Cessna single-engine plane, fueled and ready for take off. No FBI meddlings, otherwise I kill your pet."

"A flawed plan Keller. Not that I expected anything less from you. Mozzie is off the radar. We cannot get into contact with him. And for the record, we do not negotiate with criminals. How about I enlighten you with a new plan? Give us Neal back in one piece, and I can make your time in prison easier for you. Fail to comply and you will get a life sentence without parole. Do you understand where I'm going with this Keller?" Peter spoke quietly and clearly. He watched Elizabeth intently as her lips were pursed together in concentration. She brushed a strand of her hair away distractedly and her eyes searched Peter's, hungry for more information.

"HOW ABOUT YOU LISTEN TO ME AGENT BURKE. IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME THE TREASURE'S LOCATION IN TEN HOURS, NEAL CAFFREY DIES."

Peter frowned, biting his lips. He walked toward his bedroom window and peered through the curtains. A navy-blue van was parked just across from the Burke household. He smiled in satisfaction. _Hold on Neal, _he told himself silently for the second time. He could feel his wife's presence behind him, as she wrapped her hands around his waist.

"We are going to nail you to the ground. If I were you Keller, I would be rethinking my strategy." Peter hung up. A split second later, the door of the van slammed open and Diana stormed out. He counted patiently. Within ten seconds, Diana stood in the bedroom expectedly.

"What were you thinking? Are you trying to get Neal killed?" She yelled out.

"Calm down Diana. Thanks to Jones and you, we have traced Keller's Nokia 5230 cell phone. Arabella is headed down Hudson river, towards the Lower Bay. A team is on their way. Keller's finished."

"Can you guarantee that? He's a psychotic shit." Diana spat the words out. The silence stretched on.

Diana spoke again, this time quietly. "Neal isn't some tool. He's a human being, enduring unimaginable things this very moment. You are my boss and I respect your decisions, but what you've done just now... Peter, you're gambling with his life. And I cannot stand by and accept that." Diana had never lost her temper whilst on a case. She had never gotten personally gotten involved with the victims. She had always been a head-strong and focused agent, never wavering and always obedient. But this was different. As annoying as Neal Caffrey was at times, he had become a trusting colleague. The entire White Collar department admired Caffrey. Heck even Hughes had taken a liking to the consultant. Neal wasn't just a valuable asset to the unit. He was a friend.

"Diana, you have to trust me. There is one thing Keller wants more than Caffrey dead. He wants the treasure and will go to any lengths to get it. He still believes, or at least suspects that Neal has the plunder. He won't kill him just yet." Peter spoke calmy.

"He won't" Peter repeated under his breath.

* * *

><p>A bucket of water was thrust at Neal, jerking him awake. He blinked several times, disoriented. His eyes travelled dizzily toward Keller's looming presence.<p>

"I've purposefully let Burke track us down. Now it's time for us to move to a new location. It's quite a journey down the Hudson bay" Keller's voice drifted in and out of Neal's mind, making him further drowsy. His eyelids slowly started to droop again when his chin was aggressively grabbed.

"You look at me when I'm speaking to you." Keller hissed. "Now Peter is convinced I won't kill you just yet. You see, he thinks i'm stupid or something. He's convinced he's going to put me behind bars today. That man just doesn't know, does he?" He grinned. "Oh and one more thing" Keller added. Suddenly he brandished a ten-inch, serrated knife and twirled it slowly around Neal's eyes.

"I wonder, does this hurt?" Without a moment's pause, Keller thrust the knife in Neal's outstretched leg. Neal let out a muffled scream, as his vision blackened. The red river of blood oozed down his leg, stinging his eyes.

Keller tore the tape from Neal's lips, watching him wince in pain. The young man kept gasping as he stared down at his leg, in shock.

"The blood is going to drain you. But before I apply pressure to your wound, you will tell me where Mozzie is hiding the treasure. I'll make sure of it."

"Forget it Keller." Neal said weakly. His vision grew dimmer and dimmer, until Keller's vicious face faded to a pitch blackness.


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm sorry i haven't posted in ages. I've been very busy! Anyways here's a nice lengthy chapter in compensation-well hopefully i think. This chapter is rated as very dark. I promise, i won't write anymore dark whumpage crap (well maybe 2 more chapters hehe). I bet you probably all think i'm mental or something, but i can't help liking angsty shit :( yes i know i'm a weirdo!**

"We lost him. That's on you." Diana snarled. She didn't bother to stay for Peter's clumsy words of apology. Briskly, she walked out of the office biting back the tears that threatened to spill. Peter had gambled with Neal's life. He had clearly lost.

* * *

><p>Peter didn't have the energy to fight the emotional agent. Resigned, he watched Diana march out of his office, driven with fury and pain. He fell back on his chair and pulled his legs up on the desk. It was a helpless gesture. There were no leads on Caffrey. Keller's location had been a hoax. That bastard knew the FBI was listening in. If only Peter had stayed straight and professional… he would have been able to see through the cracks. He would have initiated a new step, he would have created a new game for Keller. He would have found Caffrey by now. Regrets... mistakes. They weighed Peter down. He found himself staring at the white walls blankly. He had been thrown off his tracks. These corruptive thoughts spun through his mind restlessly. He sighed and buried his face in his hands. <em>Where are you Neal?<em>

* * *

><p>Keller brandished the bloody knife as the very source of life dripped down tauntingly in front of Neal. His breathing had become shallow, weakened by the relentless infliction of pain.<p>

"Enjoying yourself?" Keller grinned. It was not as if he expected an answer from the wounded man. He looked like death himself. Keller grabbed a chair and pulled it in front of Neal. The conman glared at him, eyes blazing with loathing.

"You know what I want. Quit playing the honorable hero and give me the location of the treasure. You can walk out of here, scott free"

"I told you once and i'm not going to tell you again. The treasure is not with me. In fact, it's way beyond my or your reach. I guess you're just going to have to accept that." Neal spoke tiredly yet with determination.

"You're doing this out of loyalty aren't you? Friends come before your own skin. Hmm.. not such a smart move. You might care about your friends but don't be fooled. Peter regards you as a worthless shit. After you have lied repeatedly in his face…after you have compromised his beloved wife's safety, you really think he is ready to forgive you? How about Sara huh?"

"Don't you dare speak about her." Neal hissed.

"Oh i am just getting started. Your precious Sara walked out on you. She found out your true colours and she was disgusted. Truth be told, she found out what a phony of a man you are!" Keller yelled out. His fists were clenched together yet again, ready to pounce on the injured man.

"SHUT UP! No… that's not true. What do you know about love? Look at you, talking as if you're the expert. You're a cold-blooded murderer, a sadist. You're rotten to the core." Neal spat out, venomously. He wasn't going to let Keller get to him. He had taken everything from him. He was not going to allow Keller to corrupt his mind.

Keller let out a roar of fury as he grabbed Neal's injured leg and squeezed it violently. Neal let out a wrenched cry. Pain surged through his body, further weakening him. Another wave of nausea swept over Neal threatening to take him under again. He squeezed his eyes shut, breathing shallowly. Spots danced in his line of vision, blocking Keller's face. The monster of a man bent down again, coming into contact with the consultant's badly bruised and bloodied face.

"You are right. I am a sadist. And you so happen to be my victim today. Tough luck kid. I see you are not going to give me the location of the treasure. I have no other option but to dispose of you. It was a pleasure Caffrey." Keller's words were barely processed by Neal. His eyes remained closed, unwilling to meet Keller.

_I'm going to die, _a small voice echoed in his mind. Slowly it grew louder and louder. _Kate. _Would he get to see her again? Would he get to hold her? Neal's heart began to pound loudly and he gulped back bile. If he died now, he would no longer be in pain. The idea gradually lulled him into a dark sleep.

* * *

><p>"Boss, Boss!"<p>

"Diana. What is it?" Peter looked up, a little disoriented. He had lost his bearings for a minute. Neal's capture had consumed his mind up to the point where he barely operated. The previous distraught agent was now grinning from ear to ear as she stood in his office. His heart skipped a beat.

"The owner of the Arabella Yacht, James Ford, reported it's disappearance yesterday at 8 pm. The yacht in question was named Henry, yet there is reason to assume that Keller changed the name of the boat to Arabella. The boat mysteriously disappeared off New York harbor around the same time as Elizabeth's disappearance. Jones managed to come in contact with fifteen boats crossing the Hudson upper bay. Get this, a hacker craft trip speedboat, spotted the Henry yacht ten minutes ago. I believe it is worth checking out. A certain Neal Caffrey might be in there. "

Peter couldn't hold back a smile. It wasn't a solid lead but it was the best one they had.

"Send a chopper and three speedboats. Notify the SWAT team.

Diana nodded and motioned to leave but Peter stopped her for a second. The next words that came out of his mouth spoke a terrifying truth.

"Tell every damn team to hurry up. Each minute that passes is life or death for Neal."

* * *

><p>"Get up." Keller hissed as he stood there, looming over Neal. With sudden aggression, he grabbed the consultant roughly by the arm and started dragging his body up the cabin steps. Neal didn't have the energy to resist. He let himself be carried up like a limp rag doll.<p>

Keller tossed him on top of the deck and Neal's head collided with the impact. He groaned loudly, his vision clouding for the hundredth time. His leg pricked as it bled heavily. He looked down at his deformed wrist, biting back the panic. His hands. All that he had, all his achievements, hopes and dreams lay broken and shattered beyond repair. Blood, mingled with flesh blurred his eyes. He could't face them anymore. Instead, Neal decided to look around the deck, searching for any escape route that cropped up. Yet deep down he knew: there was no way out. He couldn't walk, let alone swim. A painful headache was preventing him from seeing clearly. The physical and mental torment was taking it's toll on the consultant. The light in his eyes were slowly fading away as he realized help wasn't coming. Keller was probably going to shoot him and toss him overboard. His body would float in the Hudson Bay, forgotten. As he decayed, flesh would be torn by the hungry fish. Piece by piece Neal Caffrey would vanish. No wits, no genius replies, no quick youthful thinking surrounded him now. The hinges that held him together were torn apart. There was no fixing this. _What have you gotten yourself into? Did you really think playing the hero had its rewards? _Neal snorted out aloud. The only reward that accompanied naive heroes was death. Did loyalty outweigh life? Whatever he wanted to prove to Peter was turning into a stupid, stupid mistake. How he longed to be strolling along the beach somewhere in the tropics, fedora in hand with Sarah. How he cherished that dream. Neal closed his eyes, letting the warmth of the sun rest on his deathly pale and bloody face. He breathed in the fresh air, sucking it into his lungs gratefully.

"One last time. Where is the treasure?" Keller asked.

"With Mozzie." Neal uttered the words without really meaning to. It was a slip-no it wasn't supposed to happen. He watched Keller grin as he smoothed his hands together. He had the smile of a winner. Keller muttered something under his breath as his eyes finally rested on the conman.

"Where is this genius friend of yours then?"

"That was not supposed to happen. Forget i said anything." Neal gritted his teeth together. Betrayal rooted him down, pulling him down into a shameful pit. Now Keller was going to stop at nothing until he received the treasure. Maybe he would even use him as bait. _Stupid stupid Neal. Why? Why did you say anything? _As much as Neal tried to deny it, he wanted to live. He had a longing for life he did not know he possessed. It was basic survival instinct. _I don't want to die, _a small voice grew present in his mind, startling him. He had so openly entered into a predator's den, it was as if he had asked for a death wish. Yet he wanted to get out of this. Somehow alive.

The phone rang suddenly, startling Neal once again. He had been so nested in himself that he forgot there was an outside world, caving in on them.

Keller answered the phone, his lips pressed together as he stared off into the distance. His face grew deathly pale. He glanced at Neal, uncertainly. "Yes. Yes I understand. I'll take care of it. Right away." He flipped his phone shut.

"I did promise you I would let you live if you cooperated. But it seems that the surrounding circumstances have changed. Let's just say an anonymous tip told me that there's a bounty over my head. Six million dollars. And the FBI has caught on. They will be here in five minutes maximum. I'm sorry Caffrey. Gotta run." Keller shrugged, as if he couldn't care less.

Neal's face grew paler. His body began to shake automatically. Keller suddenly gripped him by the shoulders and hauled him into a standing position. Neal attempted a feeble struggle yet it was useless. Distant sounds of engines echoed in the distance.

"Don't" Neal gasped. Keller pushed him forward, watching as the ex-con struggled to hold himself together.

"Say hi to Kate for me." Keller whispered mockingly. A wave of chills ran up Neal's arms as his eyes grew frantic. Something penetrated through him. Pain, followed by a throbbing sensation filled his side. The world began to spin around him. Something was oozing out of him. Neal pressed his injured hand to his side. Blood met his fingers. The pain grew then, a horrific fiery sensation. A cry escaped his lips. He stumbled forward, confused. And then something penetrated again. He looked down, completely disoriented. A blade was sticking through him. Within seconds it disappeared again.

Keller stood behind Neal, twisting the ten-inch blade. Blood dripped on the floor. _Twice should do the trick _he calculated. He tossed the knife aside, and then just for extra precaution pushed Neal overboard. He leaned on the railing, watching as Neal fought to stay afloat.

* * *

><p>The cold water was another shock to Neal's system. It pulled him down into the icy abyss. He fought to stay afloat despite his injuries. His mind was in turmoil. <em>I'm dying, i'm dying, i'm dying. <em>Those words were all he could think. The pain was unimaginable. He knew then that darkness was going to take him. He fought for a while longer. Neal could hear sirens and the buzzing of boat engines. The irony of his situation was ridiculously pathetic. Help was coming and he was going to die. Distracted, Neal accidentally swallowed a large gulp of water. His lungs burnt then, screaming for oxygen. Pain numbed him into darkness.

* * *

><p>"FBI, hands up where I can see them" Peter screamed out as his unit 1 pinned Keller down. A chopper surrounded the Arabella, honing in on the criminal.<p>

"Shit" Keller muttered on his breath. Peter climbed overboard, accompanied by six SWAT members. Cautiously, he approached him with his automatic weapon raised.

"I'm not armed you git." Keller hissed.

"Oh I am going to enjoy this." Peter said smirking as he forcefully yanked Keller's arms behind his back and cuffed him tightly.

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law."

"Court of law my ass" Keller spat out. He resisted the urge to punch the felon in the gut. He gritted his teeth as a restraining measure. The SWAT members scanned the boat for possible dangers.

"All clear" One reported. A female SWAT officer's eyes were rimmed and watery.

"Agent Burke, there is no sign of Neal Caffrey. We did however find blood, smeared on some rope, and the cabin floor." The woman paused, clearly affected. "What has this monster done to the poor man?" She had directed the question to no one in particular. The chilling words hung in the air, unanswered.

Shaken by the news, Peter turned toward Keller with murderous eyes. "Where is he?"

"Caffrey? He's dead." Keller grinned, clearly amused by the situation.

"You son of a bitch" Peter growled. The fury enveloped him then, making him shake with rage. His fists tightened as he saw red. The agent couldn't contain himself any longer. He took a full swing at Keller, hitting him square in the face. Without another moment's pause, Peter smashed his fist into Keller's jaw, and a snap was heard. Two SWAT members grabbed the angry agent, pushing him back.

"Calm down agent." One warned.

"Check the yacht, again." Peter ordered breathlessly. His heart pounded in his chest. First Elizabeth had been taken from him. Now Neal was... he pushed the thought away. Caffrey couldn't be dead. Keller was bluffing. Neal was stronger than that. He was invincible. He was a strong, cunning man, a genius born in flesh and blood. _Where are you Neal?_

And then it suddenly dawned on him. They hadn't checked overboard. Peter had been so shaken by Keller's revelation that once again, his professionalism and quick thinking had slipped. He cursed himself silently as he began sprinting toward the front end of the boat. Before Peter knew it, his feet slipped on something and he fell. Dazed, he looked down. A pool of blood had caused his downfall. He swallowed back bile and shakily forced himself upward. The smear of blood followed on toward the railing. A body was floating in the water face down, ten meters away. Neal. Within seconds, Peter was in the water, swimming in desperate strokes toward the still consultant.

"NEAL" Peter screamed out as he reached his consultant, his friend, his brother. No response greeted him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Timshel**

**This chapter is named after a song by Mumford and sons (by far my favourite band!) the lyrics of the song, timshel, kind of inspired me to write this chapter. If you have patience and haven't heard the song before, i recommend you listen to it :)**

_Cold is the water, it freezes your already cold mind, your already cold, cold mind_

_Death is at your doorstep, and it will steal your innocence, but it will not steal your substance_

_but you are not alone in this, you are not alone in this, as brothers we will stand and we will hold your hand, hold your hand. _

* * *

><p>Keller grinned as the SWAT team held onto him. The infamous Caffrey was beaten.<p>

* * *

><p>"Come on, come on" Peter continued chanting the words quietly as he performed cpr. No results. Not a breath of life. Nothing.<p>

"God damn it Neal! You can't die. Not this way" Peter barked out. His mind was focused yet his eyes kept scanning the deadly silent consultant, counting the number of injuries inflicted upon him. He had never seen so much blood.

* * *

><p>"<em>Kate?" The words escaped his lips breathlessly as he stood on a beach. <em>

_The sun rays were powerful-he could feel the heat soaking into him, and a serennes surrounded him. A strong gust of wind blew, carrying with it the scent of the salty sea. Neal couldn't help it. A smile formed on his lips as he looked around. It was the very beach him and Kate held monthly getaways. This was the only place they could solely focus on their love, where they could escape from their busy and dangerous lives and seek shelter in such a beautiful place._

_ It had been Neal's definition of paradise. She stood on the edge of the beach, bare feet dipped in the water as her hair blew softly in the breeze. Her piercing blue eyes lured him in from afar. She was wearing that floral dress he adored. Neal found himself walking toward her, smiling. Nothing mattered anymore. Only Kate._

* * *

><p>"Boss..." A voice trailed from afar. Peter refused to register it. That would mean he would have to accept his- no. He was not going down that road. Not today.<p>

"Come on, come on." He continued to repeat the words for they were the only words left for him to utter. It was as if someone else was controlling his body and he was on the sidelines, watching from a distance.

"Peter." The voice was firmer now. It belonged to Diana.

He refused to look at his co-worker, because that would mean... that would mean-

"He's not coming back" Those shocking words dragged Peter back into his own body. He stopped trying to perform cpr. He looked down at Neal, as if he were looking down at him for the first time. A comforting hand gripped his shoulder. A sob was heard in the distance.

If he accepted this, that would mean that Caffrey would become just another tragic victim that died. He would become a stamp on a file, a closed case. His legends would remain forgotten and stacked somewhere in a shelf. He owed it to Neal to try _harder. _

With new-found strength, Peter slammed his fist into Neal's heart. _One, two_, _three-_

"STOP IT!" Diana shouted out. Hands grabbed him from behind, pulling him away. And at that precise moment, he heard it. A gasp of breath. Neal had opened his eyes.

* * *

><p>"<em>Kate" Neal said breathlessly once again. His eyes searched hers. She looked at him sadly. <em>

"_Do you know where we are?" She gestured around her._

_Neal didn't get a chance to answer her. From afar he spotted a woman, an awfully familiar looking woman. She was approaching him hurriedly from the end of the beach. _

"_Neal" Kate brought his attention back. _

"_Am I-"_

"_You have a choice to make." She smiled to herself, as she shifted her gaze from him and focused on the endless stretch of water. Neal studied her, fascinated. She hadn't aged. No nasty scabbed wound marked her. It was as if she had never died in that explosion. He stretched out a hand to touch her. Quickly, she turned back to look at him. _

"_Don't do that. Not yet" she pleaded. Someone caught the corner of Neal's eye. A glimpse, of those deep blue eyes. That dark red hair... It suddenly dawned on him. The woman approaching him was his mother. She had died of stage four melonola at the age of forty-four. He was sixteen at the time. Seeing her again brought tears in his eyes. His mother was coming closer and closer, she was smiling, and then-_

Water. So much water. It tasted murky and disgusting. It was choking him. The blue sky met his weary eyes. He needed to get it out. All of it. Hands pressed his shoulders, guiding him to his side as he began coughing it out. Dazed, his eyes met red. He stared dizzily at it, confused. Why would water be red? He just didn't understand. And then a pain started crawling toward him, tearing at him. It consumed him, eating him away. He let out a load groan. His name was being called. A face closed in on him.

"Neal?" He knew that voice. Peter.

The pain continued to claw at him and he let out another groan. It was more powerful than him. It was hungry for his death. He felt his vision blurring, and knew he was going to pass out.

"Stay awake, you hear me?" The voice grew distant, blackness caved in on him. He surrendered once again.

* * *

><p>As Neal coughed out the water, Peter noticed the red. Blood. <em>Not a good sign.<em>

"Neal?" He asked hesitantly. No reply. He watched helplessly as his friend struggled to stay awake. The sight tore him to pieces. Another deathly groan escaped from a suffering Neal. Peter's blood ran cold. Chills spread up his arms. Uselessness gripped him like the plague. For the first time in his life, agent Peter Burke was at a loss. There was nothing he could do to eleviate his friend's pain. He was no doctor. He was no God. He could only silently witness his friend's struggle and pray 911 would come in time.

"Boss" The voice snapped him awake from his daze. Peter raised his head and met Diana's emotional eyes.

"We called 911. They're sending a speedboat. A paramedic said they'll be here in five." Peter nodded curtly and turned his attention back to Neal. His eyes were closing.

"Stay awake, you hear me? Stay awake!" Peter could hear his own desperation in his cry. Neal didn't respond it. The stubborn man closed his eyes.

"Damn it." Peter cursed. He looked around angrily. There was nothing he could do or say that would fix this. How was it that he had a badge that aided him to fend off injustice and evil in this world, when he was unable to stop the biggest evil of all?"

"Boss." It was Jones speaking now. "We found a ten-inch serrated knife. It had blood on it. We bagged it for evidence."

"Shit. I should have known." Peter's voice shook as he searched his friend's body. Blood poured out of his side and chest. Peter motioned for a helping hand and then with Jones, they cradled Neal's frail body and flipped him on his side. Peter eyed his back and noticed it. Two stab wounds.

It was then that Peter realized Neal had a very slim chance of surviving.


	8. Chapter 8

Soldiers

**It's been way too long! Sorry to leave you all hanging for so long. But in my defense, I did start uni in september and it has been pretty crazy :) Without further postponing this, voila, here's the new chapter!**

"_Neal?" His mother was stretching out her hand toward him. He had a choice to make. He shifted his eyes toward Kate. She was smiling at him, drawing him into her world. Her watery blue eyes stared back at him lovingly._

"_I..." He hesitated. _

"_If you come with us, I promise you won't feel any pain. Ever. But if you go back..." Kate's voice trailed away into the distance. It was then that Neal began to sense change in the atmosphere. The sun was uncomfortably powerful. The crashing waves were too agressive. The wind was too angry. It blasted at him, forcing him to stumble upon the sand. Worry began to gnaw at him. What was he doing on a beach, stranded with his dead girlfriend and mother? _

"_Am I-" But Neal couldn't finish the dreadful sentence. He looked out at the endless Ocean instead. It's sereness soothed him, it eased his growing panic._

"_Son, you're not dead. Not yet. You have a choice to make." This time it was his mother that spoke. He tore his eyes from the water and allowed himself to properly study his mother, Lisbeth Caffrey. She had been a charming woman, full of confidence and energy. There had been an eagerness for life that Neal had always admired about his mother. Lisbeth never faltered. She faced her choices head on. She dove into everything whith such fiery passion... it inspired him. Yes, she had been flawed. A little selfish at times and of course impatient. But after all, she was a human being. Neal loved her to bits. He smiled at his deceased mother, amazed at her presence. She looked well. Nothing like that sickly frail woman in the hospital. This Lisbeth was almost a stranger to him. _

"_You look well mother" Neal observed._

"_Well yes I suppose I do. I'm not sick anymore Neal. Well to be truthful, i'm not really anything at the moment." Lisbeth chuckled to herself._

"_Sorry to interrupt the chit chat, but Neal there is literally no time left. As your mother said, you must decide. Us, or-"_

Neal flung his eyes open. His breathing had become steadier. He noticed a mask had been placed over his mouth. His vision remained blurry. The pain came then, crushing his back. He gasped out.

"Neal?" A voice, thick with concern called out. Yet he couldn't respond. The pain was unbearable. He scrunched his eyes shut, and focused on the breathing.

"Come on Neal, you're stronger than this. Fight God damn it." The voice became more distant... it was as if he were dreaming. Faces blended together, casting shadows over his face. Only one thing was on his mind. With a shaky, heavily bandaged hand, Neal took off the oxygen mask and shifted his head slightly in the direction of the voice.

"Am I going to die?" The words spilled out quietly, filled with pain and sadness.

A face came into his line of vision. Peter.

"I'm not going to let that happen. The paramedic team isn't going to let that happen. Elizabeth is definetly not going to let that happen. All we need you to do is not to give in. Please ." Peter's voice was strangely distant, as if he were in another room. Blue sky met his eyes again. Wind fought against him. An engine buzzed. Someone re-placed the mask. Flow of oxygen became easier then. Odds and ends of words were exhanged.

"We're losing him, push 10 of epi and hang some fluids" The voice faded away.

* * *

><p>Peter observed helplessly as Neal went into V-fib.<p>

"Let's move, get some 50mg of epi to keep him up!" The paramedic ordered.

"It's in" One of them unscrewed the syringe from the IV.

One of the young female Paramedic's counted to herself. No response. "Ok, charge to 150"

"Clear"

Neal's body jerked as the paddles sent shockwaves through him. Another 5 seconds passed before she yelled, "charge to 200, clear!"

-Beep!-

Peter allowed himself to breathe. He became aware of his surroundings again. The ambulance speedboat was approaching closer to land. _Hang in there Neal._

As if in response to his friend's silent plea, Neal came to. His blue eyes were filled with panic, as his body jolted upright but was met with the restraints of the belts, securing him to the gurney.

"Welcome back" The paramedic was smiling like he'd won the lottery. "We're almost there, another 5 minutes tops." He added.

His working colleague looked relieved.

"Hang some fluids and push 50 of morphine. Let's ease some of his pain."

Raw, terrifying emotions coarsed through Peter, sinking him into a deeper pit of despair. The FBI agent couldn't hold himself together. All rational thinking deserted him. He resorted to silent prayers, even though he wasn't religious. The female paramedic spotted his distress. She flashed him a sympathetic smile.

"Despite your friend hanging by a thread, he's tough as old what it's worth, will can dramatically influence whether one lives or dies."

"Thank you" He replied hoarsly.

* * *

><p>Peter checked his watch. Four hours and 23 minutes had passed since Neal had been rushed into surgery. He had overhead one of the surgeons muttering "it's a bad one". His hopes had instanteously sunk and now he was left hunched over in his chair with Elizabeth's hands wrapped around his.<p>

"Honey, he's going to be ok."

"I honestly don't know. El you didn't see him... you didn't see what that sick bastard did to him. He was hanging by a thread on our way here." Peter stared off into the distance, and tried to grasp a reality without Neal in it. He shuddered.

"He's strong. He's managed to survive everything else." Elizabeth tried to talk some sense into him, yet her voice was gripped with terror.

"Even if he does come out of this alive...I can't imagine what psychological damage he must have experienced on that boat." Peter's throat felt empty. He couldn't talk about this. Instead, he closed his eyes and tried to dull the growing sadness that threatened to overwhelm him. El began to sob again, her hand weak in his. All they had left was hope.

* * *

><p>"Agent Burke?"<p>

Peter nudged Elizabeth and both rose, clutching hands as they faced

"How's he doing?" Peter asked, his voice laced with fear.

"Neal's first knife wound punctured his abdomen and cut through his peritoneal cavity. We were able to succesfully repair that. His second stab wound was located two inches away from his spinal chord. His other bruising caused some internal bleeding, and he has a moderate concussion. He has two cracked ribs and his left wrist is broken. Six of his fingers are broken, and i'm afraid it will take some therapy for him to regain full movement of his left hand. Yet all these injuries we have been able to repair. What worried me was the severe amount of blood loss he experienced."

Peter frowned at this. "How much are we talking about exactly"

" He experienced a loss of 30-40% of circulating blood volume. Added to his drowning incident, his brain underwent oxygen starvation which has consequently brought unconsciousness. His numerous injuries have created complications."

"What are you saying then?" His voice shook, dreading the news that were about to be delivered.

"I'm afraid Neal is in a coma. Sometimes the body acts this way as a defense mechanism, so the body can healthily heal itself."

Elizabeth began to cry again. Yet Peter could not muster the strength to comfort his wife. Dr. Ross gave her a sympathetic look.

"How long will it take for him to.. to ah wake up?"

"That depends on Neal. I'm afraid he's under monitoring at the moment in the intese care unit. I'll brief you in on his condition in a couple of hours. By tomorrow, visiting hours should be put in place."

Peter thanked the Doctor and guided Elizabeth back to the chairs. The torturous waiting continued.


	9. Chapter 9

We Did It When We Were Young

Ten Weeks Later

Neal eyed the hospital room that had become his temporary home. The white walls, the neon lights, the bad food... he was finally free to go home. Yet he wasn't happy. He didn't really feel. It was more as if a numbness had replaced his emotions.

"Neal?" Peter called out from the doorway. "You ready to leave this place? Start fresh?"

The young consultant didn't even bother to face his friend. He shrugged instead.

" I guess so." He fiddled with his bandaged hand and gazed at the room one last time. It had saved his life in the literal sense. Yet it had also been a constant reminder of what he had endured. Sadness was deeply rooted here. Pain and torment marked the walls. The floors had left traces of his weekly struggles to walk again. The bed had been a nightmare, it had served as a prison for him. He had been almost like a statue in the first few weeks, unable to move due to the pain. Morphine had made him into a mute, dopy figure, slumped in bed uselessly. He had never wanted nor intended Peter to witness such weakness. Not from him. He hated vulnerability. Neal sighed one last time as he slowly made his way outside the hospital that had marked his defeat. He hid his lifeless eyes beneath a pair of Rayban shades as the sun greeted him outside. Painfully and gradually with Peter's help he managed to slide into the passenger seat.

The car ride was silent. He didn't bother making small talk. Instead, he concentrated on the endless buildings that flashed by. At the corner of his eye, he could see Peter glance worriedly every few minutes. Yet Peter never spoke. He knew he wanted to be in complete silence. That was the only way he could cope. After a long ride they had finally arrived back to his home. The stairs were another reminder of his weakness as he continuously felt dizzy and had to pant his way to the top. June greeted him at his doorway, smiling warmly.

"Welcome back Neal. Now if you need anything, anything at all don't hesitate to give me a shout. I'll come running." She patted him on the shoulder as if he were a child. Neal tried to smile, but it barely came through. Peter unlocked the door and let him through.

"Now I need to ask again, Neal, are you sure you don't want to stay with me and Elizabeth for a while? Just until you get back up to your feet." Peter's question had been laced with concern.

"I'll be fine Peter. You both have done enough for me already. Really, thank you." Neal attempted to smile again yet it did not reach his eyes.

" Is there anything else you need then?"

"Can you close the shutters please?" Neal asked. He made his way to his bed. It had not been slept in over two months. He slipped into the covers and dug his face into his pillow. All he wanted was to sleep. Sleep and feel nothing. That was the only place he found comfort in.

Peter walked in and stood by his bed.

"I'm coming to check up on you tomorrow ok? Neal please take care." Peter was biting his lip back, already regretting leaving the depressed consultant.

"I'm a grown man. Honestly you don't need to come and check up on me."

"Yes but something terrible has happened to you. And it's my job as your friend to make sure you're still standing. So i'm coming tomorrow, whether you like it or not."

"Bye" Neal muttered. He turned away from Peter and closed his eyes. The agent was at a loss for words. He had never seen a man broken before. Not until now.

* * *

><p>"I'm telling you El it was as if he was a zombie or something. And the way he went straight into bed... I've never seen him this bad. It scares me El." Peter rubbed his forehead. He kept replaying the scene over and over again. Neal had it barely together. It was as if he was standing on a cliff, tipping over the edge. It was his job to make sure Neal didn't fall over.<p>

"Neal has had a lot to deal with. Give him some time ok? He'll come through." Elizabeth's optimistic words hung in the air hopelessly. She tried to smile, yet the guilt gnawed at her everyday. It was her fault he was in this state. If she hadn't gotten herself kidnapped, Neal never would have gone and played the hero. He'd still be the charming, dazzling Neal Caffrey.

"I'm going to check up on him tomorrow. Dr. Ross did say..." Peter couldn't finish the sentence. He muttered to himself as he made his way to the fridge and grabbed a beer.

"Honestly honey it can't be that bad" Elizabeth tried to sound casual, yet her voice trembled.

"El, we have to face it. Neal is on suicide watch."

Elizabeth didn't try to deny it. Instead, she locked a gaze with her husband. In silence, both shared their concern.

* * *

><p><em>"Five missing fingernails. A broken wrist. Three broken fingers. I'm not going to ask you again Caffrey. Where is the treasure?"<em>

Neal kept replaying the events in his mind. They wouldn't escape him. The room swam in front of him as two empty bottles of white wine rested on his bedside table. He stared down at his left hand again. It was bent in a strange angle and his fingertips were bandaged. Keller had succeeded in crippling his hand. He had overhead Dr. Ross muttering it would take quite a lot of hand therapy to regain at least 95% of his movement back. That was not good enough. His days as a talented, poignent artist had been taken away from him. Neal Caffrey, the con artist legend had been defeated by a short brute. He had nothing left anymore. His eyes swam with tears as he grabbed the empty bottle and hurled it against the wall. It smashed into pieces. Yet he wasn't satisfied. He grabbed the remaining bottle and smashed it again. He let out a frustrated yell as he rose from the bed and stumbling, walked over to the kitchen. He brandished a knife from his drawer. Heart racing, he walked over to his stock of art.

_Something penetrated through him. Pain, followed by a throbbing sensation filled his side._

The knife felt light in his hands as he stood over his masterpieces. With a loud cry out, he began thrashing at the paintings, one after the other. It was a criminal act. All the effort, concentration, and sweat he poured into the paintings were being destroyed in minutes. The canvuses tore, one after the other. Yet he could not stop. He kept cutting through and slashing, his own suffering at the hands of a blade, fresh in his mind.

_A blade was sticking through him. Within seconds it disappeared again._

After a while he stopped. His hands throbbed with his activity and his back ached. He stared at his destroyed paintings. Satisfied, he stumbled back to the kitchen, returned the knife in its drawer and made his way back to the bed. For extra measure, he swallowed two sleeping pills Dr. Ross had subscribed him and fell back into a calming sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

**Not as quick as I thought it would be, but here's the new chapter! It's a little lengthy to compensate for not having posted it earlier. Some questions will be answered in this chapter and more in the next one. This chapter goes back in :) **

Ten Weeks Earlier

The monotonous beep of the machine dragged him back to consciousness. Slowly, his eyes opened. A pool of white light bathed him. He squinted his eyes narrowly and closed them again.

The second time he awoke, a washed out white ceiling greeted him. A strong sterile disinfectant smell made him groan. A dull and slight throb ebbed from his back. _How he hated hospitals._

"Neal?" The voice came from afar. He wanted to respond to it, but his eyes started to close again. He surrendered into the dark once again, out of pure exhaustion.

Daylight flooded the room. As he came to, shapes blurred close to his face. He mustered concentration to pinpoint the figure standing in front of his bed. His eyes squinted in the harsh beam of light. It was the one and only Peter Burke. A smile formed on his friend's lips.

He wanted to say something, but everything was swaying in his head. _Must be all the morphine. _A headache accompanied his thoughts, as it pounded away. He wanted to bring his hands toward his head, but then some sort of metal clanked noisily. His eyes groped for the source of noise and rested on handcuffs. His bandaged wrists were restrained. _They're treating me like a criminal. _The small voice in his head kept echoing, haunting him.

"Are they really necessary?" Those were the first words that escaped his lips. They sounded hoarse, and dried out.

Peter was confused for a moment before he caught on.

"I'm sorry Neal. The marshals were here. According to the Crime Division unit, you've nicked priceless Nazi treasure and have lied about it for far too long."

An awkward silence ensued. Neal closed his eyes again, willing everything to evaporate in front of him. He didn't mean to lie about the treasure. But one thing was for sure: He did not steal the Nazi plunder. He enjoyed his freedom far too much to be blamed for Mozzie's wrongdoings. He had established a home for himself, had established a close relationship with Peter... _or at least he had. _As loyal as he was to his friends, he was not going to be blamed for a crime he did not commit. What hurt though, was that Peter hadn't realized how much he cared. He was no longer the same con artist that Peter had caught. He was different. And he deserved to be heard.

"No Peter." His voice was raspy, weak from not having used his vocal chords for so long.

"What Neal? They've paged Dr. Ross. He'll be here any second to fill you in on your condition."

"Where's Mozz?" Neal croaked.

Peter felt a rush of anger creep toward him. They had tried to contact him but they didn't know where to look. It was as if he had vanished into thin air. He hadn't even been there for Neal when he needed him the most.

"He's gone. Now, I don't know what kind of plan you both cooked up, but Goddamn it Neal you better start talking, before the Marshals haul you back to prison. This time there will be no deals. And I won't be able to stop them." Peter's voice cleared as he finished speaking. Neal needed to know that he was in a very delicate situation. For starters, he was handcuffed to the bed. It was a blatant sign that he was being treated as a criminal, and that did not bode well on his part.

"The fact that he isn't here. And that the treasure isn't here. Can't you put two and two together? I didn't run off with him Peter. I stayed."

"I know that Neal. But your word is not enough. We need evidence." Peter's voice was soft now as he spoke to the man that had saved his wife's life. He owed him everything. Yet he couldn't stir away from the law. He was a man of principle, he was a man that worked in favour of the law. He couldn't just take Neal's word for it and bury the allegations away. As much as he wanted to... he couldn't. He let out a frustrated sight as Dr. Ross walked in.

"Mr. Caffrey, welcome back." Dr. Ross smiled kindly as he checked his chart and began filling Neal in.

"I don't want Peter in for this. Can you leave?" Neal's words shook slightly, as the pain began to take effect again. The throbbing sensation grew, cutting through his sedative state. He couldn't handle Peter now. He needed some privacy.

Peter looked astounded, then grumbled an ok as he glanced at the Doctor nervously and walked off.

Dr. Ross began to list Neal's injuries and explain the recovery process yet Neal blanked out. He didn't want to hear his words. All he thought about was Kate and his mother. The sense of peace he had felt in his dreams... he did not know such calmness existed. All the pain and hurt he had caused and was responsible for couldn't reach him there. Nothing could. His mother had been so serene... _so happy. _Yes that was the word. Nothing real could get to any of them. The state that he felt he was in, as if he had been floating, giddy, yet without any particular emotion in mind. He wasn't a hundred percent sure what that dream meant, but something deep down in his bones told him what he had experienced was more than a dream.

"When I was unconscious..." Neal hesitated as he interrupted Dr. Ross.

"Yes?"

"I had a dream. At least it felt like a dream, yet I'm not sure. I had a conversation with my dead girlfriend and mother." As soon as Neal spoke those words he could feel his cheeks flushing. All of a sudden he felt awkward and stupid.

"That is um.." Dr. Ross cleared his throat. "You were in a comatose state Mr. Caffrey. Your mind must have conjured up your loved ones as a reassurance. I cannot understand dreams myself, no one can really, but it must have been a healing process for you."

"This wasn't when I was in a coma." Realizing how ridiculous it all sounded, he dismissed his assumptions. "It's nothing" He said quickly. "Sorry, you can continue."

* * *

><p>"Agent Burke" Diana called out. Her boss seemed a million miles away. He looked up, dazed and confused for a second, before he came in control again.<p>

"Yes?"

"You've got mail." She flashed a package in front of him and grinned slightly. She left it on his desk and marched off. He really did need a vacation. Now that Caffrey was awake, the light mood had been restored in the office. Once again she had the energy to smile at her passing colleagues. Although she knew it was far from over. Neal was facing very serious allegations and a likely life sentence in prison. Yet, he was alive and recovering. For now, that was enough for her.

* * *

><p>Peter stared at the unknown address. A sudden urge to rip open the package engulfed him but he managed to control himself.<p>

A letter awaited him. And beneath that... Peter's hands began to tremble.

It was priceless. And so exquisite. The dragonfly necklace gleamed at him. It was made up of long rows of glassy beads, sparkling rhinestones, and a large ornamental pendant in the shape of a dragonfly. It was stunningly beautiful. The history behind it was even more enriching. It had belonged to the late Olga Tschechowa, a German actress who had caught the eyes of Adolf Hitler. He had given it to her as a token of his admiration. Olga had paraded around in it during his dinner parties, dazzling with rich diamonds as she had entertained his guests. She had even starred in a movie with it, twinkling on her neck as she resumed the role of the heroine Peter's heart was racing. This could only mean one thing.

He reached out for the letter. It was addressed to him as Mr. Suit. Peter couldn't help grinning. Of course it had been Mozzie all along. The letter read:

"_Mr. Suit. You underwent a multitude of unfortunate circumstances, none of which I am able or willing to repeat in such a public setting. As my apology, I have __generously__ conjured up the lovely Tschechowa dragonfly necklace. I know very well what this means. The Suits have been fooled. What can I say? Time heals what reason cannot. I end with my wise saying, "Truth is the first chapter in the book of wisdom." Auf Wiedersehen._

Neal Caffrey was innocent. And in his hands he had the evidence to prove it. A rush of relief left him feeling breathless. He stared down at the office and a small smile formed on his lips. He knew all along. Deep down, he knew the young man wouldn't deceive him like that. He had been so angry when Elizabeth had been taken... he had needed to blame someone and Neal was the first person he jumped at and accused. Peter had never felt so ashamed in his life. Jumping to conclusions before figuring out the whole picture only held disastrous consequences. He shook his head slightly as he dialed the Marshals. They had no choice but to let the allegations drop. And as for Mozzie... he had a strong feeling they were never going to catch him. The only thing that nagged at him was that Mozzie seemed oblivious to what had happened to Neal. Maybe the news had never reached him? Peter brushed his maze of thoughts away as he began explaining the situation to the Marshals. Neal Caffrey could finally return to some sense of normalcy.

**Or so Peter thinks? **


	11. Chapter 11

The Art of Silence

"I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am." The words hung in the air sadly as Peter stood by Neal's bedside. Neal wouldn't even look at him. He stared straight ahead, his eyes untelling. A long silence ensued. Peter awkardly started fumbling with his tie, unsure of what to say next. He felt awfully guilty for everything the young consultant had gone through. _Most of it's your fault,_ a small voice echoed in his mind. He couldn't shake it off. It kept haunting him, growing louder and louder.

"I don't want you to come and visit me anymore." The words were simply said in a neutral tone. Neal didn't even glance at Peter. He continued staring straight ahead, at a unseemingly interesting spot dented in the wall.

"Please Neal..."

"I have nothing to say to you." Neal cleared his throat. "At least not know," he added.

Peter did not know how to respond to that. He stood there a second longer, willing for his friend to at least _look _at him. He knew he had to respect Neal's wishes. At least for know. The trauma...the unbearable psychological and physical pain he had been through was enough to break him. He couldn't add his own conflict into the equation.

"Alright then. But Neal, I'm not giving up on you."

"You already did." The truth of Neal's words felt like a blow to his stomach. He watched ashamed, as Neal slowly shifted to his side, his back now facing Peter. With his friend's words fresh in his mind, he walked out of the hospital room.

* * *

><p>Sarah came to visit him a couple of days later. She pulled up a chair right by his bed and managed a small smile as her eyes rested on her ex lover's form.<p>

"Neal" She greeted him gently. He couldn't help staring at her. Dark circles were embedded in her eyes, creases he wanted to brush away. Her hair was up in a messy bun, unable to deal with such trivial matters. He smiled at her as she reached out for his hand and then hesitated. His beautiful artistic hands were bandaged, wrapped in gauze and tape. The damage inflicted upon them was evident. Angry wrist-lacerations were a constant reminder of the ordeal he went through. She wanted to so desperately hold his hand... but Neal was quicker. He moved his hands away from her and let them rest on his stomach.

"I've been so worried. We all have." A tear slowly cascaded down her cheek. He wanted to hold her in his arms but that moment had surpassed them, months ago. Only traces of their past relationship remained.

"You don't need to worry. I'll be fine." The lie slipped easily off his tongue. It was almost believable if it weren't for his eyes. They gave him away. Sarah knew him too well by now.

"Oh Neal" She said. She leaned in forward as if to embrace him, but then decided not to. It would only complicate things between them. "I just want to know one thing" She spoke again, this time determined.

"Shoot away" Neal grinned again, but the smile felt somewhat fake. It became clear that this was his coping mechanism. Smile and brush away everything.

"Why did you do it? Why did you offer yourself in exchange for Keller? Look at how... this has damaged you." Sarah searched for the truth in his eyes. She was not entirely sure Neal would deliver it to her. He was not an expert on expressing emotions. That much was certain. He shyed away from sadness, and drew into a world of artificial happiness. Neal hated reality.

"Secretly, I'm a fan of batman's so I-"

"Please. Just tell me" Sarah cut through his joke instantly. Immediately the atmosphere around them became darker. Neal seemed to retreat into his own world. He frowned slightly, his sky blue eyes mulling things over. He had his thinking expression on.

Neal finally spoke, slowly and reflectivlely. "I didn't want Elizabeth's abduction to carry me by the shoulders for the rest of my life." He hesitated for a second, as if unsure how to proceed.

"It's ok. Go on" She encouraged him softly. He met Sarah's eyes. They stared at each other in silence. Mustering up effort, Neal let the truth stumble out.

"After Kate's death I've been in this hole that I cannot seem to climb out of. Some nights I can't sleep at all. I toss and turn as the explosion keeps replaying in my head. The guilt won't leave me. Not so long later, Mozz get's shot and I just can't help feeling so guilty. Somehow I feel like it's my fault that I can't seem to protect anyone I care about. When Elizabeth was taken... I guess something inside me snapped and I got a bit irrational. I thought I could fix the guilt that has been haunting me this past year. It was quite stupid and reckless of me... but I did it anyway." Neal was gazing off into the distance now, replaying the events that had happened to him. He shuddered as Keller's face replayed in his head.

Sarah's eyes swam with tears. Without warning, She carefully climbed over Neal's bed and curled up beside him. Neal was surprised for a second, then welcomed her embrace, gritting his teeth as her hand accidently pressed over his abdomen. They lay together for a while, not speaking at all. Her lavender scent brought back memories of their time together, tangled in sheets as the crescent moon hovered on their side, casting a glowing pool of light over their bodies as they spoke into the night.

"Neal?" She called his name softly after a while.

"hmm"

"What happened between you and Peter?" Her question made him sharply aware of his surroundings. Anger started to cave in, and he wasn't sure he could contain it.

"What about Peter?" He said in a agressive tone.

"You're not speaking to each other. More like you're not speaking to him..."

"How do you know this?" Neal gazed at Sarah confused. She could only have known if she had spoken to Peter himself. "Wait, did Peter send you here to spy on me?"

"Don't be ridiculous. He was just concerned. This is the longest you both have gone through without speaking."

"I'm not discussing this with you. Please leave." Neal had adopted a cold tone, as he slid his arm away from Sarah. What was she, some kind of puppet? He refused to get into Peter's little detective games.

"Neal!" She seemed shocked by his dismissive tone. "Can't you find it in your heart to forgive him?"

"Forgive him? Peter lost all confidence and trust in me before I could even open my mouth. I have done so much for that man. And he was willing to believe in the worst of me from a criminal like Keller. What else is there?" Neal had raised his voice, the anger consuming him. He found his hands shaking with the betrayal he felt. He had sacrificed himself to keep El safe, and that still had not been enough to earn the agent's trust.

...


End file.
